No, I'm not alright!

It's been a while since my last post and updates. I am at a very stressful point in my life and I honestly don't think I've ever felt like this. So please bear with me as in a way this is venting but not totally.
My last post stated that I'd gone to the dr. and and got meds. My meds are awful!!!! The first two nights/days I took them I didn't sleep at all! PERIOD!!! I was up for over 48+ hours and still had to work. I got to the beyond tired point and was almost ill. The 2nd day of this was Halloween so you can imagine how that day went especially with 2 parties at school. Luckily Tony was home that evening and handed out all the candy. My first PT appt. went okay and since then I've had 4 more. I've been very very sore as a result and the therapist said it's my butt that needs work. The SI muscle (goes from your back through your butt to your hip) is very very tight and will need lots and lots of work. They were amazed about how flexible I am with my good leg. I had stopped taking my meds because of the side effects, but was told to stay on them no matter what was I need them. In the process of all of this I became sick and had to miss work and was a big mess. I really haven't overcome all that yet either. A lot has gone on in the last few days. I didn't realize how must PT appt's. cost. For 3 sessions I spent $99 and I have 3 weeks left. That was just in co-pays (well 20% anyway). As of yesterday, it seems as if my whole world has crashed in on me. We found out that since the school bond issue past we were getting kicked our of trailer and are moving into a crappy tiny building all by Thanksgiving break. This building used to house the alternative school. Our classrooms will hold 2 tables (rectangle and kidney) and that is it. No bookcases, teacher desks, toys.. NOTHING!!! There is only 1 bathroom for 60 kids plus all of us adults. No heating or air. Our stuff has to moved by the break, however we aren't moving until X-mas break. We are to do it all ourselves on our own time and we are still supposed to teach our children with no supplies/centers/ anything. How is that going to work??? It's not like I can lift anything!!! How am I supposed to do my job and teach my children when I have nothing. Better yet... this isn't a perm. move (3-4 years we've been told) so we get not playground equip unless we buy our own (from Wal-mart). My living room is bigger than my classroom. I've been in bathrooms bigger. This will ultimatly have a bigger affect on my children (who already have transition problems) and everything they know will be gone in a matter of days. Where did education for the kids go??? Where did what's best for them go?? Apparently, out the window!!!
As far as my back is concerned I'm tired of everyone asking if I learned my lesson. I live with this lesson everyday. Inevitably, someone asks what happened or they ask how I am and then end that with I bet you learned that lesson. NO SHIT!!!! I'm still dealing with that, I'm not stupid. It's not like I wanted to be like this. Then for people to tell me I should've gone to the dr. sooner.. I DID in June and they did X-rays of my hip not my back. So really, just leave it alone. Ask how I am and that's fine, but please don't remind me how stupid that was or if I learned my lesson. I get it! I live in pain everyday and have a constant reminder of my stupidty. No one is really sure when the pain will go away if it ever really will. When I hvae to pick up kids especially a 75 lb. 3-year old that doesn't help. I don't have a choice in the matter.
So, if you want to know how I'm done or if I'm alright.... NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT! My back is broken, I'm in pain, I'm paying $$$ to getter better and it's $$ I don't have, I don't sleep but a few hours a night (if that) beacuse of my meds, my meds make me sick but I have to take them, I can't plan a wedding cause I have no $$ right now, my house is a mess (Tony's started another project of getting a new front door), and I'm moving my classrooms (+3 others) in a matter of weeks and still have to do my job and be successful and be happy at the same time. The person who I need the most is gone all the time and hasn't been there when I've needed him the most. I know it's not his fault but right now it's very frustrating and right now I feel all alone. Yes, I have other friends but that's not the same! Talking on the phone for hours does help but it's not what I need. Tony is there (on the phone) and he does do a lot and please don't think that I'm mean or ugly about it. Right now, this is how I feel. I'm tired of pleasing everyone else when I can't even please myself or make myself happy right now. I should be happy I'm getting married and planning and instead I'm miserable right now. I should be happy my back wasn't more serious but intead I'm miseratble, can't sleep, and sick. I know this will pass but how long will this last?? I know at least a few months until my back is to a point where I don't spend my nights crying in bed and until this school move is done and I feel at home (yeah right). All that I can is keep that smile that I feel I'm forced to wear and just go day by day.
On a postive note, my parents and I went to see Larry the Cable Guy last Sunday. Tony was supposed to go (we had this planned months in advance) but amazingly he had to go out of town again. Imagine that!!! We had a great time and Larry was hilarious and so was his opening act Reno Collier. He used to be a PE teacher for Elem. kids. His jokes were hilarious. Please go to his website http://renocollier.musiccitynetworks.com/index.htm?id=12695&sid=12662
and watch his two videos. Go to part 1 and go to the 3:30 marker and watch. It's about kids and it is soooo true!!!

So that's about it in a nutshell. So I have to go start my IEP again. I spent 2 hours typing it, went to put clothes in the dry came back my session timed out and it was all gone!!!! UGH!! Anything else to go wrong?? I hope everyone else is doing alright and is feeling happy!!